What program are you running in your heart? Here is something I came across some time ago on the net. Don’t know who wrote it, but glad it got written. Enjoy!

Call Centre Rep (CS Rep): Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?

Customer: I want to install love. Can you guide me?

CS Rep: Yes ma’am. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let’s see. I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely remove GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you remove those ma’am?

Customer: Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: Sure. Go to Start menu and click FORGIVENESS.EXE. You may have to do this a few times to completely remove GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing automatically. Is that okay?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does it say?

Customer: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.” What does mat mean?

CS Rep: Don’t worry ma’am. This is a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE’ your own machine before it can “LOVE” others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Go to the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”.

Customer: Yes, I have it

CS Rep: Good. Now click on the following files and copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMTATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM is copying them all over my HEART. Is this normal?

CS Rep: Sometimes it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to pass it on to everybody you meet.