Townlog.com
Making sense of the world.
Making sense of the world.
Jan 3rd
Going to Kashmir came as a result of boredom and a break-up, in the ratio of 3:2 to be precise. I know it sounds pretty weird, but boredom did the packing up, the break-up just made me give away my clothes and cut my hair that had grown till my waist. But that is not the point here. The point is what happened when I reached Kashmir.
I was supposed to reach Srinagar by five in the evening and board a bus or a taxi to Baramulla, nick named ‘Chota Pakistan’, where a twist in my life lay waiting. However, when I reached Srinagar, the watch showed 7p.m., not my watch, a co-passenger’s watch, I don’t wear a watch. Public transport shuts after 6:30 in the evening in the valley. The streets that are otherwise buzzing with commerce and kebabs, amidst strict vigilance by camouflaged uniforms and AK47s suddenly gave a deserted look. The only commerce are the military jeeps and trucks, with jawans standing at corners in regular intervals of distance and few locals tracing their way back home through the dark lanes. How I got a houseboat to stay the night with food, a guitar and a stranger who was a story teller is a different story. Night came, and so did slumber, casting her spell on everything that came her way, including the candle that was burning inside my cozy room in the boat floating on the still lake. The only beings that weren’t sleeping were the ones in the camouflaged uniforms and the night.
I took a taxi in the morning to Baramulla, a two and a half hour drive through the bohemian streets of interior Kashmir. I was to get down at Rangwar, a colony that fell on the way, where someone would be waiting for me. I reached, after several stops of security rather insecurity checks, and was received by Saqib, a 22 year old dark Kashmiri boy with good looks and a hefty personality. Somehow we recognized each other without an introduction as the ones we were supposed to meet. A handshake, few smiles and a look that said ‘you’re back!’ welcomed me, rather mystically. We had to walk to the end of the road that went through the colony to the house I was supposed to live for the next few months. It felt like a dream just oozed out of my sleep and took me in it and whispered in my ears, “hey, welcome to my world”. As I walked with Saqib in my sweater and denims and a converse, with a rug-sack hanging on my back, it was strange what I saw. The people, boys, girls, men and women clad in ‘firans’ standing in front of shops, houses and homes, engaged in activity or conversations paused as i passed them. They looked at me, first in astonishment, then a clueless smile, and would whisper something in each other’s ears still looking at me from the corner of their eyes. It was a ten minute walk to the house I was going to stay, and in those ten minutes everyone walking or standing on the streets except for little children, gave the same strange reaction; astonishment, a clueless smile and whispers. Some even clasped their hands to their mouths and hurried inside their homes. There was a certain warmth in the cold atmosphere I felt. There was a strange acceptance in the astonishment that I saw on the faces, there was a sense of belonging in the clueless smile that they gave me, and there was a secret in the whispers that they spoke to each other. What was it, I wanted to know! Absorbed by the stillness in the cold breeze I walked on. And when I looked at Saqib with some kind of anticipation, I saw that same clueless smile on his face……
…..he was returning from the post office, that was where he worked, he was late that evening, it was snowing, a cold sullen night had already crept in…. the taxi left him on the main road… he paid the driver and turned to enter the colony, the yellow bulbs were giving a dim effect to the otherwise dark street…there was no one there, not even the soldiers standing guard all through the night. “something’s weird” he thought…he continued walking till he reached the small bridge… he saw him sitting there on the side, but he ignored him and walked on…but he could feel it..he was being followed…he could hear the footsteps as distinctly as his own heartbeat…he kept walking, he felt him come closer, he didnt want to turn around…. “chacha” … he stopped, he had heard that voice before… “yakubchacha”… he looked behind and saw him standing…bloody clothes..smiling…. he let out a scream and toppled a glass of water which was on the stool as he woke up, startled… “what happened.,had a bad dream..?”asked his shocked wife… “yeah….i saw him…i saw bhola…” “what..?” asked his still shocked wife… “i saw bhola., its ok, i’m fine, you sleep, i’ll get some water for myself” he muttered and went off to the kitchen………
Saqib took me to the house I would be staying in. It was eccentrically beautiful, and the most interesting thing was a chopped apple tree in the small bald garden. Snowfall was yet to come, another few weeks before the white settled in. He still had that secretive grin when he said, “I’ll see you at dinner at my place”, and left. I absorbed the still, cold atmosphere, the wooden construction, the chopped apple tree, and the mystery lingering in the air of ‘rangwar’. I entered the house and soon got absorbed in a long tiring sleep.
“Eby….eby….” I thought it was a dream, but as the voice crawled out of my sleep and into the room, I realized it was Saqib calling from outside the window. I looked out groggy; he was there smiling, “open the door, get ready, time for dinner”. It was 7:30 in the evening. Activities settle down at this time in this part of the world, it is like an unsaid rule that everyone follows. It was a bit cooler as we walked to his place.
“slept well ?” he asked through his heavy grin.
“yeah, didn’t realize when it came”, I replied smiling.
“is there something going on ?” I furthered,
“you have caused quite a pleasant disturbance in the air”, he said waving to a young kashmiri lad passing by,
“that i figured…but i’m clueless, care to explain ?” I rejoined.
“wait till you get home, some people are waiting to see you, you will know”, he smiled.
Saqib’s house had a bigger porch, and had an apple tree too, but not chopped, his house was one of the first houses that stood on the right as you entered ‘rangwar’. He opened the main door and showed me in. It was so warm inside. There was a small door to the right which led to the kitchen cum dining area, walking through that door was like walking into a sauna dripping with the aroma of Indian spices, truly “jannat”. Saqib came in after me; smiling people were sitting there, felt so differently amazing.
“Meet my dad”, he said, “my mom, grandmom, isaak my younger brother, yusuf my dad’s brother and sheena, his wife, and yohanna their boy”. I met them with warm hands, pure smiles and a gentle belongingness. There was another man sitting fairly distant, next to the “bukhari” a furnace where you burn wood for warmth. “This is yaakub chacha” Saqib gestured. I looked at him staring at me rather, in me, like some haunted sight. “he had a dream three days ago…….’’
Bhola, that was his name. He walked into ‘rangwar’ few winters ago, a sweater, denims, converse and a rugsack. He stayed with his uncle, who had been living there for years, an eversmilingBhola. In the years he stayed there, he did a few special things that made a special place in the hearts of every home in that colony. They loved him. They found him dead one Friday, in a well, in a pool of blood in the shallow pond. No one knows what happened.
They called me his reincarnated twin.
The six months I lived there was like a dream, lucid, surreal. It was garnished with the first snowfall of the season, ‘chai’ invitations everyday from homes as I would pass them, a white christmas, beautiful friends, an army showdown, education, and a serene eternal winter for three months.
And Bhola… lived on…..
Feb 8th
White walls. Glass doors. Ergonomically unfit chairs.Pioneers of the food industry. A steaming cup of coffee. The perfect meeting.
My imagination runs wild and I see a mosquito in my minds eye fluttering towards the coffee cup. Hungry eyes (I think) and salivating tongue (I think they have one), it speeds towards the Amberish-Brown drink….. Amberish- Brown drink?? It sits on the rim and flies away before I bat an eyelid. With a look of disgust he mouthed ‘bloody man made’.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a stage where man made food is considered a blunder by parasites who thrive on our blood! A stage where I am reading a mosquitoes thought on the plight of our coffee.
As I snap out of my imagination and back to the meeting, I am listening to 2 individuals breaking their heads on how to feed frozen food and bad coffee to a customer. They are coming up with ideas on how to sell frozen food in the best possible way so that the consumer doesn’t know about its otherwise pitiable plight. I am sitting in a meeting that is discussing on how to fool a customer in the best possible manner.
Has fast food become so popular that people don’t care about what they eat anymore, I wonder? Are the Indian customers considered nincompoops for the ‘food creators’ to come up with better ideas to dupe them, I wonder? Will we (including me) always be mediocre, I dread? Has coffee and conversations become so cheap, I shudder to think?
Jaago Nagrik Jaago… Alas! If only we showed more respect to Doordarshan advertisements…!
Jan 12th
“Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead
you down the right path.”

We have all known about our inner voice for some time now, It is supposed to be a guide, our concience, and the voice of reason above instinct.
Till now I had always taken my inner voice for granted. But it recently went silent. And that’s when I realised the role it played in my happiness.
My inner voice is not just my concience, but many-many things. It is my confidant, my wingman, my friend in solitude and most importantly, it is an amplifier of all positive emotions and a muffler to all negative emotions.
Many joyous occasions have I experienced, never realizing that something within me had the power to dull that excitement to a point of depression. Friends have always helped overcome a low point in life but they cannot change how you think or how you feel (albeit for a short period of time) about it unless the inner voice allows it.
I have often (not often enough to be deemed insane) found myself talking to my inner voice, laughing at jokes and imaginary hypothetical
situations created by my mind. I always assumed that it was me; ‘my mind’ which created the humor and which responded accordingly. But just as it’s not possible to tickle yourself, I don’t believe that it is possible to amuse yourself. It was my inner voice.
Recent events have left me disillusioned and alone. I venture to guess (as I myself do not know for sure) that my inner voice is in a
state of shock and has therefore gone quiet. I find myself pouting, shunning company, not laughing at jokes, not caring for upcoming events to which I was looking forward to a few days back.
I do not know what to do… I can only assume that time heals all and will therefore heal me too.
I do miss that inner voice. I do wish it comes back soon.
Nov 28th
In a relationship built on sensibility, Sense has no role. In a relationship of Sense, sensibility has no role.
With every relationship, the cynicism increases. Nobody can be truly in love after the age of 18.
What about those of us who refuse to let sensibility in? Companionship – such a palatable term. Acceptable to the Great Indian Middle Class.
Here’s a question – what is companionship?
Companionship. Noun. A feeling of fellowship or friendship.
Friendliness – of, relating to or befitting a friend. To be companions, we need to be friends. To be friends we need – what?
Friend – a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. To be companions, we need to be friends. To be a friend, there has to be affection or personal regard.
Affection - a “disposition or rare state of mind or body” that is often associated with a feeling or type of love.
So the “L” word does indeed, appear. In companionship. That very epitome of correctness.
Affection, personal regard, love – do these not arise from a mutual understanding? If yes – what is that understanding of? One cannot understand an abstract. There has to be a Subject that is understood – be it a common culture, a specific choice of tea or an abhorrence for Punk Rock. Understanding is a valid choice, extended to a finite entity. Without a concrete entity to extend that understanding to, the whole edifice is nothing but a pack of cards, precariously perched on a shifting sands.
Sense – the Senses as manifest in sensuality for the most part – but beyond that as well – are they not the tools with which we understand? Imagine the Blind Men with the Elephant. How did they understand? Only thought Sense. So what if that understanding was incomplete – it was complete to their limited world. None of us are truly Sighted. Aren’t we all stumbling around in the dark? If yes – then why do we fear our Sense? Why wait, like the lone man in the corner, huddled in his cloak of Sensibility, unaware of the Elephant in the room, because the fear of not perceiving the Entity in its Entirety is too overwhelming? Such a waste of Sense. And Time.
Take your pick.
Oct 30th
Reena lay dying of cancer. She and the doctors had put up a fight, yet the malignancy continued to grow. Her days were now numbered.
Although not young, Reena was neither old. Why should her life be cut off so early… and with such excruciating pain? What had she done to deserve this? And where was God? She found herself echoing the words of the psalmist, “Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? Why have you forsaken me?”
Reena found herself crying out to God for a tangible sign of his love. For assurance that her hand was still in his although she could not feel it. In two more days, she would be celebrating her birthday. How does one celebrate the gift of life in the shadow of death?
Trustingly, she asked her heavenly father for the reassurance she needed. “Send me a red rose for my birthday,” she prayed. Red roses were her favourite. The deep red reminded her of the richness of love, the delicate petals the tenderness, and the fragrance… she just couldn’t have enough of.
Birthdays were now sometimes forgotten. They were no longer the celebrations they used to be. Now, if her brother was in town, he might come over to wish her. Perhaps a couple of phone calls from friends. That’s it. Who would bring her a red rose?
Her birthday dawned, bringing with it an extra touch of pain and loneliness. She could barely remind God of her request, “I need you to reassure me of your love. That’s all I ask.”
From late morning to late evening, a steady stream of visitors filled the day. Suddenly, it seemed as though the whole world had come to know it was her birthday. And unbelievable though it seemed, every one of them brought roses. Not two of three, but whole bouquets. By nightfall, wherever she looked, roses filled her view, and every breath she took was laced with the gentle and exquisite fragrance of extravagant love.
The name has been changed, otherwise this piece is based on a real incident.
Oct 27th
What if china rules…..
1) It will be like the CPM ruling but only with some development happening.
2) The brand new soldier for poor will be abstained from making bad speeches, sent to Leh for proper soldier training, his travel expenses will be cut (if possible withdrawn) and last but not the least he will be taught Chinese rather than Hindi (eases a lot of trauma!)
3) Alas! Saifina might not live up to the Brangelina brand for they cannot have/adopt more than a dozen! Might we suggest a children’s library?
4) Sanjay Gandhi will finally reincarnate for his dream ‘hum do hamare doh’ (actually dhed) will be brutally implemented!
5) Rohintan Mistri’s Fine Balance could be the new bible for the Chinese would respect Mistris balanced Moolah (read ‘fine’) talk!
6) No more oil problems! No baas… no baasuri!
7) Chinese might try to Shangaize Mumbai… might we warn them the tiger still hates invasion!
Kalams 2020 vision might be fulfilled for the contract period! Post that…. umm… uh hey at least we tried.
9) Change in Cricket?? Don’t even think about it!
We might be dysfunctional, but we still are the official tea drinkers! so what the hell… what if China rules? They wont survive anyway!
Oct 20th
Waise toh hum Allahbad ke hain!
Kya baat hai! Hum bi!
Waah!
See, *that’s* why the movie is an epic!
For someone who grew up in a staunchly non-AB house, this proverbial coming-out is B.I.G.
I fancy very few of his songs and virtually none of his movies except Saudaagar – the one with Nutan. Crap story-line but absolutely sterling performances.
So when B & B was released, I was definitely not on the edge of my seat!
Now wait – back the truck up here for a bit!
I must say this – when Abhishek did Refugee, I watched – not because of some freaky AB-ish mania but just because I was trapped on an overnight bus to Nagpur and that was what was shown. And I was … pleasantly impressed, shall we say?!
Then followed Nautch. Breathtaking.
I cannot find an AB Sr. movie in comparison to that one.
AB is a brand – don’t get me wrong, have nothing against the man personally. But he is AB in every movie he’s ever done. Which is yes – the USP of a Star, but erm… that little thing called acting? Yes, well, *that* is nowhere in the picture when he is.
Have a look at Abhimaan or even Mili. Try any of the usual suspects – Sholay, Namak Haram, Coolie, Khuddar, Khuda Gawah, Hum. He’s Trademark AB, isn’t it?
Now go get some sleep. Next day – watch AB Jr.
Start with Refugee. Move to Yuva. Then do Nautch. If you want the diploma, squeeze in KANK. Painful on the whole – except the acting bits of the non-stars. Tell you what – some parts of Bluffmaster were worth their weight in gold.
The very epitome of savoir faire, the piece de resistance, however, has got to be Dostana. Kirron Kher with her “phalo… phulo… kher! Jaane do!” did to AB Jr. (and to a lesser extent, to JA) what Chico and Harpo did to Groucho.
And finish with B&B. That movie – that is the real coming-of-age of Indian mainstream cinema. It made everyone laugh without a single reference to scatological humor. If you are Indian and have watched even one of the classic Indian “funny” movies (read: anything early Shammi Kapoor or with Rajendra “underpants” Kumar in it or even a Hyderabadi Mahmood!) you’ll be at-home with anything remotely related to the emission of wind or bowel movements.
Watch B & B. Point out one scene which has even a passing reference to this and I’ll eat my hat.
I am not a movie buff and I have no idea if the producers intended the movie to be so.. intellectually alluring. The fact is, it is the 21st century cinema equivalent to the 1980s DD tele-serial Flop Show. Remember Jaspal Bhatti and his unbelievable tongue-in-cheek take on Chandigarh and Delhi life back then?
Tell me honestly that the movie doesn’t remind you of a similar mentality and I’ll tell you to sober up. Honestly, I – who’s as tight-fisted as a Scotsman when it comes to movies (no offence to kilt-wearers!) – watched B & B twice – TWICE – in the theatre. With popcorn. Right till the last of the credits. And loved every single precious minute.
Aisa koi saga nahi.. jisko thaga nahi…
It doesn’t get more Indian than that. That is the personification of baap bada na bhaiyya.. sabse bada rupaiyya. Not Mother India. Not Mera Naam Joker. This. This very UP- bhaiyya, “camptishan main hissa lene aaye hain!” mentality. The same one that’ll sell the Taj. The same one where the investigating officer turns up to interrogate and asks the “firang” to “tell joke – non-veg”.
Where else would you have graphic descriptions of shalgam-gobi ke achaar wala perfume or slick, oily, bush-shirt wearing Babus without the extra “focus” of Art Cinema accompanied with dark footage?!
Where else would you have the heroine respond to a potentially sentimental concept of missing her parents in the wonderful eloquence of “kar rahi hoon! Yaad aa rahi hai, bathroom nahi aa raha!”
That’s the sheer genius of the movie.
Thing is, he was born his father’s son.
AB Jr. is an actor while his dad is just a Star.
Sep 28th
It all began during world Cup (03), with burning of effi-jies (pardon me for the spelling) of Dada’s boys after loosing their first match against the Aussies. That is when I got acquainted to the word effigies (pardon me for the waver
). Even the disastrous 07 world cup is done but I was still just spotting the word in papers and not the live demo (god did I just call it that). Soon enough for the first time, I saw one burning right away. Not that it is an exhibit, but I couldn’t help gaping at it. In the middle of FREAKING Shankar nagar square (that’s in Nagpur by the way) with the police having the usual cutting and chalaan session, I saw people walking to the middle of the square and burning effigies like a fire cracker. And I wondered what the hell were the cops doing when there is an orange blaze around! That guy had petrol in a plastic bottle, not a matchstick but a complete log of wood and fire and hold on isn’t it illegal to carry petrol in a bottle?? At least catch him for that, for isn’t that illegal!
And then I wondered, what the hell I was doing staring at those people and thinking of various ways to blame other people around me! I don’t have the balls to walk up to those people, let alone raise my voice! I was just gaping and blaming….. I am just writing this piece as a futile way to feel less guilty, ain’t i?! For all my opinions on youth and democracy and love for Kalaam’s 2020 vision, I do fall into the “chalta hai” “hamare saath tho nahi hua na” “f*c* it” category. So why blame the hawaldar who is at least pretending to protect me. I am sure I have hands of readers raised saying “at least we are honest about being near- spineless”. That is an elixir isn’t it…. like that’s not being a coward….
Sep 22nd
When I lived in Rishikesh, I had a friend, a very old Sadhu. He was 75 at that time. I often used to visit him in his tiny room. Over cups of tea, which he used to make, we would talk about life and the world and would try to make some sense. One day, he told me a story, a strange love story! Let me tell it to you..
Many years ago, in a small village there lived a young man. He lived in a hut with his young wife, old parents and his younger brother. He was very proud to have a great loving family. The young man was the disciple of a Sadhu who lived in the forest a few miles away from the village.
Every day he used to go to his guru in the forest. The guru had taught him many things of wisdom and told him wonderful stories. One day, as they both were sitting and chatting, the man told his guru how fortunate he was to have a great loving family. The Sadhu enquired of his family. The man told,’ my wife is the most loving woman in the world. She loves me more than anyone else. My parents are also wonderful, they too love me. I don’t think anyone else has such loving parents’ The Sadhu tried to tell him that it is not so and that all form of love in this world is limited. That all relationship in this world has its limitations. But the young man disagreed. He persisted that he alone is the most fortunate person for having such a great loving family. No words of wisdom from the guru would satisfy him.
Sep 21st
I’ll be there for you – when the rain starts to pour…
I’ll be there for you- like I’ve been there before…
I’ll be there for you – cos’ you’re there for me too!
Do you like your friends? Here’s a thought – we love because we are conditioned to but we like because it appeals to our parameters of acceptability (or unacceptability –whatever gets you off!) So which is it – do you “love” your friends or are they there because you have rationalized the relationship and arrived at the junction of liking that rationalization? What do you need from a friendship? Companionship. Trust. Belief. Like-mindedness. Loyalty. Fidelity. Courage. What do we expect from those that we love? Companionship. Trust. Belief. Like-mindedness. Loyalty. Fidelity. Courage. Is it me or can someone else see the problem here?! How often can you stand up and say exactly what you don’t like about a person AND still have them stick around? No answer?! Interesting!
Look at friendships from another angle. Colleagues that work closely together on 10-hour workdays, six-day work weeks are thrown together by force of circumstance. As if that is not enough, modern-day work ethos just cannot make space for some good ol’ hostility! So you’re just not allowed not to like your co-workers. What’s wrong with being a total Class A jerk if you get the job done and well, at that? Why must love be all around us? It gets suffocating! A while ago, I turned into a Class A+ jerk for a spell and managed to trample on toes and other digits. Did that make me any less good at my work? Co-workers would disagree – I think! About those digit-less people hopping around? Yes, still there, regrown out of all that scar-tissue. Any more “love” feeling? I guess not – and probably am a notch further down on the Home Coming Queen ladder but at least the ladder figures.